Lockdown lingo – are you fully conversant with the new terminology?

*Coronacoaster*
The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic. You’re loving lockdown one minute but suddenly weepy with anxiety the next. It truly is “an emotional coronacoaster”.

*Quarantinis*
Experimental cocktails mixed from whatever random ingredients you have left in the house. The boozy equivalent of a store cupboard supper. Southern Comfort and Ribena quarantini with a glacé cherry garnish, anyone? These are sipped at “locktail hour”, ie. wine o’clock during lockdown, which seems to be creeping earlier with each passing week.

*Le Creuset wrist*
It’s the new “avocado hand” – an aching arm after taking one’s best saucepan outside to bang during the weekly ‘Clap For Carers.’ It might be heavy but you’re keen to impress the neighbours with your high-quality kitchenware.

*Coronials*
As opposed to millennials, this refers to the future generation of babies conceived during coronavirus quarantine. They might also become known as “Generation C” or, more spookily, “Children of the Quarn”.

*Furlough Merlot*
Wine consumed in an attempt to relieve the frustration of not working. Also known as “bored-eaux” or “cabernet tedium”.

*Coronadose*
An overdose of bad news from consuming too much media during a time of crisis. Can result in a panicdemic.

*The elephant in the Zoom*
The glaring issue during a videoconferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. E.g. one participant has dramatically put on weight, suddenly sprouted terrible facial hair or has a worryingly messy house visible in the background.

*Quentin Quarantino*
An attention-seeker using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they’re convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are.

*Covidiot* or *Wuhan-ker*
One who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display “covidiocy” or be “covidiotic”. Also called a “lockclown” or even a “Wuhan-ker”.

*Goutbreak*
The sudden fear that you’ve consumed so much wine, cheese, home-made cake and Easter chocolate in lockdown that your ankles are swelling up like a medieval king’s.

*Antisocial distancing*
Using health precautions as an excuse for snubbing neighbours and generally ignoring people you find irritating.

*Coughin’ dodger*
Someone so alarmed by an innocuous splutter or throat-clear that they back away in terror.

*Mask-ara*
Extra make-up applied to “make one’s eyes pop” before venturing out in public wearing a face mask.

*Covid-10*
The 10 kgs in weight that we’re all gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. Also known as “fattening the curve.

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